Friday, December 3, 2010

Letter to My Reflection in the Mirror

Dear Woman in the Mirror,

 You've come a long way, from a remote hacienda in the south to this place in the north, lol.  You have gone places, met so many people and had lived many roles - unwanted poor relation, working college student librarian, teacher, photographer/videographer, call center agent, tarot card reader, palm reader, numerology expert, dream interpreter,  pranic healer, writer, sales person,  young and hopeful wife, ambitious career woman, long suffering unhappy wife in a loveless marriage, unfaithful wife, 'separated' wife, mother, single mom, the other woman,  kept woman, new old wife, confidante to the young wives, adviser to the broken hearted,  etc., etc.

Too many roles, past and present, like being Jack of all Trades (master of none?).  Whatever you'd like to be  when you grow up (ganun) be always mindlful  of your actions and words.   Be always appreciative of what you have, for that is the basis of your happiness.   You have the ability to "concretize the abstract" and use that to the max to help others who are also in the journey.  Congratulations, I am proud of you :))

Wayne Dyer's books gave me self assurance to take charge of myself.  Reading his book made me realize that the person responsible for me is ME, guided by prayers and guidance of people I love. You will love Wayne Dyer's books.
In YOUR ERRONEOUS ZONES, Wayne Dyer encourages his readers to ask themselves this question: "How long am I going to be dead?" Dyer suggests that taking such an "eternal perspective" will aid one in gaining a more "take charge" stance in life. Life is a risk, and we are all going to die anyway, so why not do what we want with our lives? This has been one of the most helpful self-help books I have ever found. In fact, I think it may be THE best self-help book I've ever read. This is one of the "classics," and many others have taken its lead. I believe this is Wayne Dyer's best work.
The other not-so-pretty reality of life that Dyer suggests we face is that things are not fair, and they never will be. In chapter 8, "The Justice Trap," the author writes bluntly about the fact that injustice is committed every day and that if one has enough money one can get away with it. Poor people will rot in jail, while rich people get a slap on the wrist for the same crime. It is not an "erroneous zone" (self-defeating behavior) to notice the injustices of this world; the erroneous zone is the belief that becoming incapacitated with anger, guilt, worry, or indignation, by the injustices will change anything. Many heroic people try to change the injustices, and they are to be commended. But they often fail because they are against impossible odds. Year after year, century after century, the privileged few get away with what the rest of us do not. Is it fair? No! Should we convince ourselves that it is okay? No! Should we fool ourselves into believing incapacitating ourselves with worry and anger is going to change anything? No, again. If you can do something to end an injustice, then do it. If you can't, don't feel guilty.
I also enjoyed Dyer's candor on the hypocrisy of educational institutions, and found it surprising considering that he himself is a professor. He notes that one of the greatest "erroneous zones" is the need for approval, and then he points out that schools are one of the main culprits in instilling the need for approval in people. From the moment you walk into a school, he says, you are told where to sit, how to talk, what to write, how to think, control, control, control, and then you are graded according to your willingness to hand your mind over to the authority figures. Students with high self-esteem, who are full of self-love, and who are not susceptible to guilt and worry, are systematically labeled "trouble makers" by the school faculty. The inference is clear: ridding oneself of guilt and erroneous zones often means going against the very fabric of this society.
This is a radical book! And it's been a good friend for years. I had the honor of meeting Mr. Dyer a few years back at a book signing, and he seems to live what he preaches.

Andrew Olivo (Oregon, United States)
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Letter to the Persons That I Want to Tell Everything To

Dear Neighbors and Friends,

Recently there is a war of words between two women most of us know.  I am so tempted to join in, to referee, to shed light, to admonish, to advise, etc.  Nobody asked me to,  nobody asked my opinion, so why join the fracas and take side.  And, as always there are different sides to the problem. An older wife who is cancer-stricken is spreading news about a scandalous affair between her husband and her young friend, and the young friend is retaliating  by telling her friends online that the older wife/friend's soul is burning in hell  even while she's alive for spreading nasty lies about her.

I think this is how the whole thing started:
Older wife, let's call her A,  and young wife, let's call her E,  are neighbors like most of us are - neighbors and friends.  Older wife A had recuperated from cancer and was happy that she survived.   Alas, she learned that a good friend and neighbor, E,  flirts with her husband R, non-stop.  She got upset and her cancer cells became active again and this time, more vicious and had spread to her brains too.  Three doctors gave her an approximate life span of one more month!  She's dying, OMG.  To get back to E, A revealed to everyone the alleged affair of her friend E and her husband R.  Everyone is so sympathetic with A and now looks at E in a different light.  E is young, pretty and dresses sexy!  She makes 'meaningful' eye contact a lot - to young and old, to neighbors, to friends, to strangers - in fact to every man she meets - in a bar, in restaurant, inside the bus, jeepneys, department stores, etc.  In her own words, she was testing if they still had  'asim'  (if they would respond to her flirty moves)  and she found it cute that these men responded  to her ummm,....charm.  She may deny this and may say that she's just being her natural vivacious self.  Also, some people see her all dressed up, wear overpowering perfume,  and went out by herself  when her husband, S,  was out of the country.

Whether A's accusations are true or not, we can not verify, for who knows what happens inside closed doors of our neighbors and friends.  We tend to judge appearances and actions.  We see a young wife making googoo eyes with another man and we ask ourselves why she's behaving like an unmarried young woman;  and why she's hitting on our husband, our boyfriend, other neighbors, even strangers.   We see a young wife online (chatting in cyberspace) almost every night until dawn and we wonder what's the husband's take on this.

 Image from

Do we learn a lesson or two from this scenario?  Why not.

1.  Wives, be faithful to your husbands.  Being faithful not only means not going to bed with another man.  It also means not fantasizing to be with another man, not sending love letters or exchanging romantic texts messages with another man, or not chatting and having an online boyfriend!.

2.  Wives, flirt (must you?) discriminately and discreetly.  If you are unhappy with your marriage or if you think that you have yet to meet your Mr. Right (obviously you don't think your husband is the Mr. Right), don't look for Mr. Right in your neighborhood,  or don't hit on your friends' husbands or partners, ewwww.

3. Husband, love your wife.  Loving not only means making love to her, it also means putting her in her place - becoming a real wife to you.   Discourage her from  flirting with every man in the neighborhood and to every male she meets everywhere you go.  Don't allow her to drift away from you by condoning her to look for male  'friends' online.  You know who her old male friends (classmates and town mates)  and newly found 'online friends', do you?  

4.  Let's be kind to each other.  We should not tell anyone who is being treated with chemotherapy that she's already burning in hell.  Instead let's pray for her fast and complete recovery.

Do you think that your young wife is bored of you and your life together? This will help you:

You know it and your wife knows it, you’re not as close as you once were. There’s just no denying that fact. The question, is what do you do to change that? This quick easy read provides 12 tips that show you how to feel close again using the universal principle of the law of attraction. You owe it to yourself to learn what you may be doing that’s making matters worse. Learn how to turn things around by employing the logic of the law of attraction.

Letter to Someone That Changed My Life

Dear Sweetheart,

You have changed my life, you are the greatest thing that happened in my life.  my life, my daughters' lives are transformed for the better because of you.

No matter how much and how frequent we squabble, we both know that we are "together for the duration" - your words.  Also, I love the way we thresh out our problems.  We are both stubborn, we are both opinionated, yet we find a way to compromise and resume our happiness.  I thank God always that we are here for each other.  I don't like to be mushy now, but you know how much I love you.  God bless you my darling and take care always.


 How do you keep the love alive?  This book will help you:  
Marriage starts with being totally enthralled with the most amazing man you've ever met. Then ... life happens. Kids, bills, illness, family issues, not to mention stubble, belching, and raggedy underwear. You love your husband, but you don't always LIKE him. The Husband Project is for us, women who have fallen into a comfortable marriage routine, meaning "you don't bug me and I don't bug you." This book offers hope that there's more to marriage than just a lukewarm partnership stuck in neutral; in just 21 days you can jump start your marriage. Kathi Lipp's writing is clear, real, and hilarious as she challenges you to put your marriage on "project status" and shows you how to work her plan with very little effort and lots of results. The book also offers lots of practical info, such as a list of great guy movies, man-pleasing recipes, and "The Real Woman's Guide to Lingerie Shopping." If "a simple word can renew hope (Lois Rabey)" then this fun and friendly book can help you renew your marriage. It's like a kick in the pants from a wise and wonderful best friend, and Lord knows we all need that from time to time!
Review by  Susy Flory (Bay Area, California)

Letter to the Friendliest Person I Knew for Only One Day

Dear Sister,

We met at the dentist's office in Angeles, Pampanga.  I was with my usually grumpy hubby who has an aching  tooth problem.  I gave you a candy and we had instant friendship.  You were curious about the intercultural relationship.  I told you that it's basically the same, whatever the color of the skin -  it's the ability to communicate and the willingness to communicate that counts.  I gave you my business card in the hope that we could exchange emails but I have not received an email from you....maybe you've lost the card or you have no time, etc.  Not a problem.  I'd just like you to know that I had a wonderful time with our small chit-chat and I hope that everything's well with you.  You are like an innocent girl,  full of wonder of the people and relationships around you.  You also reminded  me of another nun whom I'd met in Bacolod before.  I was young, just graduated from college and 'banished'  to the province because my grandma and aunts did not approve of me having a boyfriend.  I poured my heart out to that nun while waiting  to be interviewed by the school's principal. I was applying for a school librarian position.  Later I was called to report  for work but I was back in  Manila where I'd always wanted to be - but I am rambling already.  My point is that nuns/sisters like you are always good to be around.  You are always so selfless to share your time and prayers.  I pray for your happiness too.  I pray for your health and I pray that more and more people be like you who is always wanting love and peace and happiness for everyone.  God bless you much, may your tribe increase (how?).


 This book is an entertaining read:
I found looking into the life of a nun to be very interesting. Sister Mary Jane takes you from her childhood through 60 years of living her faith. And not everything is as it appears. Like the cover of her book, the more you look at it, the more you see: an adobe building, crosses, a shadow of a nun with her hands folded in prayer and her veil being lifted as if she is a bride (a bride of Christ), and a vague image of Christ on the Cross appearing in the gated doorway. Sister Mary Jane lets you know that her vocation is to serve God as a nun, but she also lets you know that she is just as human as everyone else. I'd have to say, she is a very special person.

Review by:  
Kim Elder (Lakewood, OH USA)