Tuesday, November 16, 2010

Letter to the one Who Broke my Heart the Hardest

Dear ____,

                                    Image from weheartit.com
I can't even mention your name as ours was a dangerous liaison.   You were already engaged  and I was in a loveless marriage when we met.   I guess I was a challenge to you as so many girls had a crush on you, while I ignored you.  I was so unhappy then,  and you with your wonderful heart,  thought it was your mission to put a smile on every woman's face.   You were very attractive to our office mates, but because I was drowning in my sorrows,  your charms did not work on me.  After almost two years though,    I had my weak moment and I gave in.  Our affair lasted for three months and I almost died when I ended it.  I knew we had no future.  I felt so bad seeing you broken-hearted, but I had to be strong.  We survived  it though,  and to this day, we have remained friends.  Thanks for the memories.

Are you recovering from an affair? You are not alone. This book will give you new leash in life, it's time for you to look at it objectively and move on:

If your life has been touched by an affair, whether you're the cheater or you've been cheated on, this is an incredibly wise and helpful book by someone with a LOT of experience helping people put their lives and marriages back together.
I want to say why this book is so good, but first I have to comment on Jillian C. "Qbridge"'s incredibly irresponsible review. Jillian has obviously not read the book, nor does she seem to have any experience actually helping people who are trying to deal with an affair, nor does she seem to be interested in helping people put their lives together after an affair. If she'd read the book, she'd have seen how Kirshenbaum clearly says you should not have an affair. But you do NOT help people who've been affected by an affair by labeling the cheater as "bad." Why would any wife want to heal her marriage if her husband is by definition "bad"? Does Jillian want every couple touched by an affair to get a divorce? Yes, the deed is a hurtful mistake, and Kirshenbaum goes to great lengths to show how, if there is going to be any hope of healing, the cheater has to show that he truly understands the pain and damage he's caused. That's the kind of thing in the REAL book, not Jillian's fantasy. It was careless and dishonest for Jillian to review the words of the title and not read or review the real book.
In reality, Kirshenbaum devotes many chapters to showing how to heal a marriage after it's been damaged by an affair, and this is the best help of its kind I've seen.
Another thing Kirshenbaum does that I've never seen before and is incredibly helpful is show that there are 17 different kinds of affairs. Each one grows out of a different need. Each one means something completely different. You can't know how to figure things out until you know why you or your partner had an affair in the first place. This is what a therapist would charge big bucks for, but you get it all in this book.
And Kirshenbaum has a lot of material on how to protect the kids and take them into account.
I've had a lot of experience helping people and couples deal with an affair, and I have to say this book will give everyday folk all the help they could need. The truth is that an affair is a turning point in people's lives. There's a lot to sort out. And a lot of anger and hurt. Kirshenbaum shows how to take all this into account and do what's best for everybody in
the end.

Reviewed by Dr. Susan

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