Wednesday, October 27, 2010

Letter to Someone I Wish Could Forgive Me

Dear Bata,

I so wish that you have met your life partner by now.  It's been a long time since we've talked - - over the phone.  Yes, everything began and ended in a phone call.  Our 'relationship' is based on phone conversations anyway.    Your parents disapproved of me because 1)  We have different religions, 2)  I am married, and  to a Christian, although we've been separated when you and I met,  3) I have two daughters,  4) I am older than you,    5)  I am not from your country,  6)  Mentally and emotionally, you are a little slow, although you compensate with great understanding of me and generosity to me and my family.   So many obstacles but at that time (2002 ) you (and I sometimes thought too), that love conquers all.

I am sorry that our 'relationship' did not work out, it was doomed at the very beginning.   You kept calling me at my place of work during lunch breaks.  I knew you were so lonely and emotionally needy.  I thought I could be your 'surrogate' mom and I could offer you a shoulder to cry on. I do that to almost everyone who needs me, thinking that people would also do that to my daughters who were  far away from me then.  You were unstoppable with your romantic notions as regards our 'relationship' and told your parents about 'us'.  I admit that there was a time that it crossed my mind to throw caution to the wind and imagine living life with you.  I know it would be so difficult.   I know that more than ever now, it would be impossible.

I am sorry that you found it hard to forget me and move on.  You are a very generous, innocent and forgiving man.  I know that in your heart of hearts there is goodness and forgiveness no matter how much your family 'painted' me as a bad person.  I refused to communicate with you again over the phone or via email as I would like you to move on and find a suitable partner that your parents would approve.  I pray hard that you are happy where you are now.  God bless you.


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