Tuesday, October 14, 2008

Coyote Ugly

"That's an oxymoron", my sweetheart said, referring to the name of the bar we are passing by at Angeles. "A coyote is an ugly animnal, you don't have to add ugly", he explained.

"Their (bar) girls are actually prettier than those of the other bars", he defended the girls too.

"And what about the bar girls at Garfield's", I asked, reading the sign, "Garfield's, where the beer is warm and the girls are cold".

"Oh, the beer is actually cold, but yes, the girls are also cold", my worldly sweetheart patiently explained.

You see, my sweetheart lived in Angeles City, Pamapanga, for four years, starting 2001, until we met in Makati in 2005. I gave him an ultimatum, "Give up your 'girls' (about four of them) and maybe we'll have a future together". And he did. He gave up his Angeles apartment and settled in his rented condo unit in Makati so we could get together anytime.

But we visit Angeles, for my sweetheart has lots of friends there. Angeles has changed much through the years. After the SM Mall opened, Angeles became one of the mall places to be. Thanks to Mr. Henry Sy, Angeles is not only the "city of angels" for the old fogeys from all over the world, now it's also a place for hanging out for the local young, "angels" included.

Of course Angeles' "blow-job street", or Santos St., is still there, but new businesses like internet cafes,gift shops, bar/restaurants, hotels, motels, small shops came to thrive there too. I was told that in Santos St. the girls give the best blow jobs ever, and cheap too. But that was years ago, when Clark Air Base is like a little America with its American goodies available everywhere, better hospitals, western standard restaurants, etc. After the U.S. Troops left, the place looked god-forsaken. Now the old and new businesses thrive side by side. Young and sexy scantily-clad girls still ply the street in their stilettos or platform sandals, looking around for gigs. They are the freelancers. Many stand in front of the girlie bars and call/hug/kiss their gentlemen patrons to come inside (them) the bar. And wohoooo, there are more trannies than ever, with their heavy make-up, pouting lips, sturdy legs in higher heels than the female hos. I still rate the trannies in Thailand number one in beauty, though.

New condos and hotels are all over Angeles, you'd wonder if all of them have good business. Let's admit it, Angeles is well-known for its bars and young girls from the province. A contrast to the jaded bar girls in Manila. In Angeles, my sweetheart claims, that many of the bar girls are "pure-hearted", like they came direcly from their work in rice fields to the bar, and most of them think that they came to Angeles just to party and have fun. Hmmmmnnn, maybe the reason why my sweetheart was not able to choose the "one" among the four he was having before. Walang itulak-kabigin, puro busilak ang puso. (Everyone's perfect, can't decide who).

We tried the place with the new sign - entertainment nightly with comedy bar. Ok, my sweetheart who is a stand-up comedian himself was enticed. We went inside, and by golly, I've never seen as many trannies as these in my whole life - all looking tough and greedy for my sweethearts assets (especially his waist bag).

We asked what time the comedy starts, and we were told "any minute now". I asked again if the comedy is in Tagalog or English, and was answered, "if there's a foreigner in the audience, the comedy is in English".

Unfortunately the comedy is on us. After ordering one San Mig Light beer for my sweetheart and one Cali for me, the waiter came with two bottles for each of our orders. We were informed that they double the initial order....and could we please sign our chit. "F**k", my sweetheart responded and we were ready to go. They quickly changed the policy and gave our proper orders. Shit, you can't pull a fast one with my sweetheart. He's a Las Vegas man and a New Yorker too, even when he's born in Pittsburgh. To make the long story short, we were treated to trannies lip synching to Rihanna's songs and other nigger music. The highlight of the night being the "fashion show" of young macho men...and at one time they gyrated their bodies too, as if they were wiggly worms, trying hard to look macho at the same time. But they could not fool me. They're all bakla (transvestites)! I bet the finale of the night is when they take off their clothes. We could not wait anymore for the f***ing comedy, this is already a comedy of bullshit. Ughhh, that was real coyote ugly. Their sign did not say anything about performing trannies. Syet talaga. (F******g shit).


  1. Mz silverman, you never told me you were such a great writer!!!!! your piece is very nice, very revealing about angeles. i enjoyed every word of it!!!!

  2. Thanks so much, Ms. Mona. Coming from you, it's real big deal for me.

  3. mz silver, who is am? i don't remember your meeting my father. maybe you mistook someone else for him? ha ha ha!


I thrive on comments, thanks for leaving a comment. I will visit your blog as well :)